Resolving Marital Disputes

Sura-4 [Al Nissa Medina 92]

The Quranic Text & Ali’s version:

وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلاَ جُنَاْحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا ...   

4:128. If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves;

... وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ وَأُحْضِرَتِ الأَنفُسُ الشُّحَّ ...

and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed.

C638. To protect the woman's economic interests, various rules are prescribed for dower in marriage. But the sanctity of marriage itself is greater than any economic interests.

Divorce is, of all things permitted, most hateful to Allah. Therefore if a breach between husband and wife can be prevented by some economic consideration, it is better to make that concession than to imperil the future of the wife, the children, and probably the husband also.

Such concessions are permissible, in view of the love of wealth ingrained in unregenerate man, but a recommendation is made that we should practice self-restraint, and do what we can to come to an amicable settlement without any economic sacrifice on the part of the woman.

... وَإِن تُحْسِنُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا ﴿١٢٨﴾  

But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء ...

4:34.  Men are the protectors and maintainers of women,

C545. Qawwam:

-        one who stands firm in another's business, protects his interests, and looks after his affairs- or

-        it may be, standing firm in his own business, managing affairs, with a steady purpose.

Cf. 4:135.

... بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ...  

because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.

... فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللّهُ ...

Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

C546. Or the sentence may be rendered:

"and protect (the husband's interests) in his absence, as Allah has protected them."

If we take the rendering as in the text, the meaning is:

the good wife is obedient and harmonious in her husband's presence, and in his absence guards his reputation and property and her own virtue, as ordained by Allah.

If we take the rendering as in the note, we reach the same result in a different way:

-        the good wife, in her husband's absence, remembering how Allah has given her a sheltered position, does everything to justify that position by guarding her own virtue and his reputation and property.

... وَاللاَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ ...

As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first),

C547. In case of family jars four steps are mentioned, to be taken in that order:

1.     perhaps verbal advice or admonition may be sufficient;

2.     if not, sex relations may be suspended;

3.     if this is not sufficient, some slight physical correction may be administered:

but Imam Shafi'i considers this inadvisable, though permissible, and all authorities are unanimous in deprecating any sort of cruelty, even of the nagging kind, as mentioned in the next clause;

4.     if all this fails, a family council is recommended in 4:35 below.

... وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ...

(next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly);

... فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً ...

but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance):

C548. Temper, nagging, sarcasm, speaking at each other in other people's presence, reverting to past faults which should be forgiven and forgotten,-all this is forbidden. And the reason given is characteristic of Islam.

You must live all your life as in the presence of Allah, Who is high above us, but Who watches over us.

How petty and contemptible will our little squabbles appear in His presence!

... إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا ﴿٣٤﴾

for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُواْ حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ...   

4:35.  If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers;

C549. An excellent plan for settling family disputes, without too much publicity or mud-throwing, or resort to the chicaneries of the law.

The Latin countries recognise this plan in their legal systems. It is a pity that Muslims do not resort to it universally, as they should.

The arbiters from each family would know the idiosyncrasies of both parties, and would be able, with Allah's help to effect a real reconciliation.

... وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلاَحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا...  

if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation:

... إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا ﴿٣٥﴾  

for Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.          

4: 128 If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement best; even though men’s souls are swayed by greed. But if you do good and practice self-restraint , Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do.

4: 34 Ill-will, disloyalty, etc on wife's part ( Nushuz ) ….beat them;…do not seek to harm them. Behold God is indeed most high, great! (see the verse and the notes)

4:35 And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between [a married] couple……arbiter.. from his…. From her…Behold God is indeed all knowing, aware.